Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking.....surely I cannot look that old? You may enjoy this short story.
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "1971. Why?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely, and then the son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach?"
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
25 Signs You Have Grown Up 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up. 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again." 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar. 25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you.
THE CLASS OF 2007." With college about to begin a new year, we were wondering about the "mindset" of this year's incoming freshman. Here is this year's list: The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1985. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. There has been only one Pope in their lifetime. They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Tiananmen Square means nothing to them. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums. The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to them. They have never owned a record player. They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.. They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were still babies. They have always had an answering machine. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV. They have always had cable. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA was. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is, or know about the "Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.. Feeling old Yet? There's more: They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony. Roller skating has always meant inline for them. Michael Jackson has always been white. Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II and the Civil War. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. (The correct answer, by the way, is Ork) They never heard: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel," or "De plane, de plane!" They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not bands. There has always been MTV. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. This is Rex Barker C.S. (Counting Seasons) saying "It's not the age that's important, it's the MILEAGE!"
HOW OLD ARE GRANDMA AND GRANDPA? (from a 2002 email) One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events. He asked what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. The grandma replied, & I quote; Well, let me think a minute .. I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There was no radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers, well the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn't yet walked on the moon. Your granddad and I got married first, and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother, and every boy over 14 had a rifle that his dad taught him how to use and respect. And they went hunting and fishing together. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, 'Sir '- and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.' Sundays were set aside for going to church as a family, helping those in need, and visiting with family or neighbors. We were before gay rights, computer dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living here was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 & 10 cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. In my day, 'grass' was mowed, 'coke' was a cold drink, 'pot' was something your mother cooked in, and 'rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby. 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office, 'chip' meant a piece of wood, 'hardware' was found in a hardware store, and 'software' wasn't even a word. What do you think my minimum age would be to have enjoyed all these experiences? ...... Grandma and Grandpa would have to be only 59 years old.
Baby Boomer Songs
It was fun being a baby boomer… Until now. Some of the vocal artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers:
1. Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
2. The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?
3. Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
4. Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
5. Roberta Flack --- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
6. Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.
7. Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.
8. The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
9. Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
10. Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade of Hair.
11. Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
12. The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
13. Abba --- Denture Queen.
14. Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
15. Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
16. Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again.
17. Leslie Gore --- It 's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To.